Looking for love in robotic places

I’ve been lucky in love. Since turning 16, I’ve usually had a girlfriend, significant other, wife or lover. I’m not especially irresistible; but in my younger days, I was one of those guys willing to settle for whatever happened along. That, I’ve found, increases dramatically one’s chances for finding companionship, though not always suitable companionship.

Also, I played in a rock band. If you play in a rock band, even a bad one, you can get a girlfriend no matter how hideous you are. Quasimodo could have bagged Esmeralda if he’d traded the church bells for a drum kit.

Despite all that, there have been times in my life when I was sans a love interest, times when I was lonely. It happens to everyone and when it happened to me, I was as miserable as the next lonely guy.

But never, ever, did I consider the “solution” being marketed by Japanese toymaker Sega. Sega’s latest offering is—according to company executives—geared toward men over 20.

E.M.A. (pronounced “Emma”) is a 38-centemeter tall robot. Though only slightly larger than your average Barbie, and not nearly so realistically crafted or voluptuously, um, appointed, Emma is designed to interact “romantically” with her owner.

Emma blows kisses. Emma flirts. Emma dances seductively on a tabletop. Emma snuggles, or tries to; snuggling ain’t easy when you’re just over a foot tall and made of hard, blue and silver plastic.

E.M.A.—short for Eternal, Maiden, Actualization (which in Japan is considered “sexy talk,” apparently)—also sings romantic songs. Badly. But in the country that invented Karaoke, bad singing is a way of life. Emma’s just trying to fit in.

At any rate, executives at Sega seem to believe that Emma will sell like rice cakes—at just under $200 each—to lonely guys who have tired of the dating scene and just want a nice, plastic girl they can take home to mother (in a suitcase).

But maybe I shouldn’t poke fun. I, after all, am happily settled in with The Lovely Mrs. Taylor. And though Mrs. T doesn’t blow kisses, flirt or dance seductively on a tabletop (unless she’s had a couple margaritas) she does occasionally snuggle.

It’s easy to be a smart ass when you’re in a relationship. But if Mrs. Taylor did ever wise up and leave me for a tennis pro? Would I be tempted to purchase an Emma of my own?

Well, probably not. Not the Emma model, anyway. The technology’s still in its infancy, and let’s be real—Emma would never be your first choice for a blind date. Your buddy’s wife would describe her thus: “She’s a little plastic, but she has a cute face and a nice personality.”

And we all know what that means.

But once the folks at Sega get past the android Barbie phase of development and move into “Stepford Wives” territory, who knows?

I wonder if they’ll offer financing options.



More “Reality Check” online at http://mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com or www.milive.com. E-mail Mike Taylor at mtaylor325@gmail.com.