Picking the perfect minister for your wedding, one circuit at a time

I've been married several times. This doesn’t make me an expert in marriage (quite the opposite, in fact), but it has made me something of an authority when it comes to weddings. I can arrange a catered affair with a good band, elegant table settings and carefully thought out seating plan—in my head. No need for notes or a “wedding planner” book.

I never do any of this planning, of course, because that’s the bride’s duty. I’m not sure who devised this rule, but it seems to me a good one. The point is I could do the job if I ever needed to.

So far, though, the only job I’ve been allowed to handle is finding the minister.

My first wedding was presided over by a friend from high school who became a minister after graduation. The reverend at my second wedding I don’t remember; all I can recall is that he was too smart to fall for it when I told him—moments before the ceremony began—that my fiancée and I had decided to include the “honor and obey” thing in the vows after all. It’s probably a good thing he omitted these items, since that particular wife never even pretended to do either.

At my last wedding, the minister was some guy I found in the phone book. He looked great; bald with vaguely Catholic ministerial robes and a big Hassidic Rabbi beard. I felt like Rasputin was conducting the ceremony.

Yes, I’ve hired some cool ministers over the years. But none compare to the minister who will be doing my next wedding. This one’s going to cost more than all the others combined, but it’ll be worth it, I think.

She’s only four-foot tall and so far she’s performed only one other ceremony, but I’m hiring her anyway.

She’s a robot. A Japanese robot.

She’s the “I-Fairy” (yep, that’s what her Japanese creators, still reeling and confused from Godzilla’s last attack, apparently, have named her). She sports flashing eyes and plastic pigtails, and she’s licensed to perform weddings, at least in Tokyo.

She recently wed Satoko Inouye and Tomohiro Shibata. The bride praised Japan’s state-of-the-art robotics industry, saying people want robots that “serve some kind of purpose.” Coincidentally, Inouye is employed by Kokoro, the company that manufactures the I-Fairy as well as the “Hello Kitty” line of children’s toys.

Since the first time the bubble-headed automaton from “Lost in Space” warned Will Robinson there was danger nearby, I’ve wanted a robot of my own. Thanks to the Japanese, the only excuse I now need to get one is to get married again.

For 6.3 million yen (about $68,000) I can buy my next minister outright rather than pay the usual rental fee. I figure, judging from my previous marital track record, that I’ll get at least six or seven ceremonies out of the I-Fairy before I die. This results in some significant overall savings, based on the per marriage fee most ministers charge.

Despite the coolness factor of robotic minister, the technology really is still in its infancy. Maybe if I wait a while to get hitched again, the good folks at Kokoro will come up with a robotic bride as well.

I wonder if she could be programmed to honor and obey?

More Reality Check online at http://mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com or www.mlive.com. Email Mike Taylor at mtaylor325@gmail.com.