The end of the world figures prominently in my financial planning

I watch the History Channel a lot, a sure sign I’m getting old. When the past starts to seem more interesting than the future, you know you’ve entered that slippery slide into geezer-hood.

In recent months I’ve become an expert on World War II, the Great Depression, the Nixon administration and the theory that ancient astronauts visited Earth thousands of years ago to give us astronomy, math, the electric light bulb (nope, I’m not kidding), and reruns of Law & Order.

Much of the stuff on the history channel is of the Could this mean? variety—as in, Could this circle, carved into the pyramid of Giza, be the Mayan representation of an interstellar space ship? Well, sure it could be that, but it probably ain’t.

At any rate, I was watching a show of this latter type earlier this week and got a bit of good news: The world is going to end next year.

I know this theory’s been floating around in cyberspace for months now, but seeing it on broadcast television somehow made it more real. It goes like this: The Mayan calendar, developed thousands of years ago, comes to an abrupt halt on Dec. 21, 2012. Nobody seems to know why. But when taken in tandem with a prophecy by Nostradamus (the John Edwards of his day), it seems to forecast the End of Days.

That prophecy reads, in part, Yeah, and in those times, the snow shall fall from the sky and the seas will be filled with liquid, maybe water. A great commotion shall be heard in the east and many birds of a feather will fly south for the winter. Other vague things that could be interpreted pretty much any way you want also will come to pass, verily and forsooth!

Throw in a few scary quotes from the books of Daniel and Revelations, add an Internet rumor concerning the possibility of an approaching comet, and voila, it’s the end of the world as we know it.

Now, I know that for some of you, this is going to be a real inconvenience, especially for those who had family coming for the holidays. It’s disconcerting to know the world’s going to end just four days before Christmas. Even if the relatives arrive before the A) comet, B) poison rain, C) nuclear attack, D) spaceships, E) angry deities or F) Betty White Clone Army, the knowledge that we all have only a few days to live is sure to put a damper on the festivities.

So, why do I think the end of the world is such a good thing? Well, it just so happens that—as I was watching the History Channel special—I was also planning my finances for the upcoming year. These days, this is mostly a hypothetical exercise; I do it from force of habit, a throwback to the days when I had a “real” job, money, and the hope—remote though it may have been—that I would someday enjoy a comfortable retirement.

According to my figures, at this point in my estate planning, the best I can hope for is a catastrophic, extinction level event. How lucky for me that one is coming in just under two years. I think I may have enough stashed away to last that long.

Sure, I feel bad for those of you doing well; if you’ve just won the lottery, landed a big promotion, stuff like that. But it’s not my fault. I just read the signs and accept the inevitable.

All I know for sure is, if we’re all still here the morning of Dec. 22, 2012, I’m in big trouble.

More Reality Check online at http://mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com or www.mlive.com. Email Mike Taylor at mtaylor325@gmail.com.