Say it loud, I play tennis and I’m proud

It drove me crazy all last summer that James Brown, the Godfather of Soul and one of my personal heroes, is playing tennis on the side of my optometrist’s office.  Even in his younger days, when he could dance rings around Baryshnikov while screaming “Say it loud, I’m black and I’m proud!” in a voice that could startle Helen Keller, I never imagined James on a tennis court.  He did not seem the sort of man who would be comfortable saying, “That’s love-16 Muffy!”

Not my hero.

But there he was, larger than life, featured prominently in the House of Optical mural, right between Elvis and Elton.  John Belushi, Larry King, Buddy Holly and several other glasses-wearing celebrities also are pictured there.

Elvis and Elton are both holding microphones, John Belushi a case containing (presumably) Elwood’s harmonicas, Benny Goodman sports his clarinet and George Burns a cigar.  Everybody, everybody except my hero, is shown doing the thing they do, or did, best; the thing most people think of first when considering the aforementioned celebrities.

But not James.  James is depicted playing tennis. They might as well have painted him with a spatula in one hand and a copy of “A Brief History of Time” in the other.  It made less sense than a Dali painting.  And like I said, it made me crazy all last summer.

Part of the reason it got on my nerves is that I rode past there on my bicycle three, sometimes four times a day.  I had a lot of time to kill and I spent much of it riding bike.  The terrain is mostly flat around Clawson so a four-hour ride isn’t especially taxing and it kept me from thinking about how brutally unkind fate had been to me during the previous year.  (Yes, I am a whiner of epic, and often dramatic, proportions.)

At any rate, in addition to losing my wife, house and job, I was slowly losing my mind, in large part because of that damnable mural!  I did a little research (five minutes online), checking to see if James had ever made a name for himself on the tennis court, but could find nothing.

The mystery haunted me.  James would appear in my dreams hoisting a tennis racket and drinking a glass of carrot juice at an expensive country club.  When he spoke he sounded like Dick Cavett and I would wake up screaming.

Then summer faded to fall and winter, bike season ended and the problem slowly faded from my mind.  It wasn’t until mid-winter, while being examined for new contact lenses at House of Optical, that I thought to ask about it.

“James Brown’s not in that mural,” the doctor said.

“Yes he is,” I said.  “But he’s holding a tennis racket, so most people probably don’t recognize him.”

 At this point the doctor gave me a look indicating poor eyesight was likely the least of my problems.  “That’s Billie Jean King,” he said.

I checked the mural again before driving away.  The doctor was right, it is Billie Jean King, though to be fair, she is sporting a tan that would make George Hamilton jealous.  And she does look a little like James Brown!  Google it, or check out the photos on my blog, then tell me I’m wrong.

Say it loud! It’s love-16 and I’m proud.

Mike Taylor’s new paperback, Looking at the Pint Half Full is available at mtrealitycheck.com. The eBook version can be found online at Barnes & Noble, Border’s, and other major booksellers. More Reality Check online at mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com.