The days of the mosquito are numbered

Since addressing the topic of mosquitoes last week, I’ve done a little research.  It turns out that not only are mosquitoes annoying, they also are the deadliest creatures of all time, even when one factors in the people who manufacture Twinkies and Pauly Shore movies.

In the history of the human race, about 46 billion deaths have been attributed to illnesses transmitted by mosquitoes.  This equates to roughly half the people who have ever lived.  Half! Ever!

Well, I say, enough is enough.  Of course, when I say it, the mosquitoes just laugh, or at least they make little buzzing noises, which I assume to be the mosquito equivalent of laughter.  But just recently, geneticists have taken up the battle cry and mosquitoes won’t be laughing much longer.

Anthony James, a scientist from UC Irvine, has figured out a way to genetically “hack” mosquitoes in such as way that the females hatch without wings.  Since it’s the girl mosquitoes that bite, this renders the entire population harmless.

The boy mosquitoes then go their way, find new mosquito girlfriends, mate (after dinner and a movie, presumably), and thus create yet more generations of wingless, harmless mosquitoes.

Eventually, the blood-sucking, vile little … it’s hard to describe my feelings toward mosquitoes in a classy, family-oriented newspaper like this one.  Suffice it to say that the mosquitoes all eventually become extinct.

Cage-based tests have shown that if you turn loose enough gene-hacked male mosquitoes, the entire population is decimated — with extreme prejudice — in just a few months.  This could, theoretically, be done (insert evil laugh here) worldwide.

So far, James’ experiments have been conducted under strictly controlled conditions. But Luke Alphey, one of James’ former colleagues — and one, in my opinion, with more vision — has taken the tests to the field, releasing the hacked males into the environment.

This would probably violate all sorts of laws and rules here in the States, but Alphey released the mutant bugs on the Grand Cayman island in the Carribbean, where no such laws exist.

If some of those altered skeeters manage to get off the island, well … these things happen.  And believe me, they will get off if I have to row there and get them myself. 

Now, under ordinary circumstances, I — along with most other right-thinking, bleeding heart liberals — would question the morality of exterminating an entire species.  I mean, who are we to play God?

But we’re talking mosquitoes here, man!  

Sure, I know, what about the impact on the environment, right? Will killing off all the skeeters create some sort of domino effect?  Will flies follow?  Then mice, cats, dogs, cows and eventually, us?

According to researchers, nope, that won’t happen. It turns out that, to quote one study, “…the complete eradication of mosquitoes would have limited, if any, adverse environmental effects.”

And that’s good enough for me!  I say, nuke ‘em and let the bug-free barbecue begin. 

Contact Mike Taylor at mtaylor325@gmail.com or visit mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com.