If America is to remain number one, we must take fork in hand and work together

Patriotism runs through my veins like fire through dry tinder, not just around the Fourth of July, but all year long. I’m one of those people who get choked up singing the National Anthem at a White Caps baseball game. Despite its problems, I believe with all my heart in the U.S. of A., mom, and apple pie.

That’s why I get worried when I hear we’re falling behind other countries.

A friend recently sent me a link to an article that originally appeared on the website, Salon.com. That article noted several areas in which the U.S. is number one in the world.

Among those “number ones” is obesity. Yup, we’re fatter, overall, than anybody else on the entire planet. We’re number one! We’re number one!

Here’s the problem; Mexico is gaining on us, and fast.

And when I say “gaining,” I mean that in all permutations of the word. In a way, it’s not surprising. They do have Mexican food on their side, after all. I know I can gain six pounds just being in the same room with a bean and beef burrito or deep-fried chimichanga; imagine what would happen if I were surrounded by a whole country filled with that sort of food? 

Sure, we probably have more McRestaurants than anyone else in the world and that can only help us maintain the walrus-like physiques we need to prevent Mexico from out-blubbering us. But it’s not enough. We must try harder.

Yeah, it’s easy to say we should eat more and exercise less. Everyone’s heard this advice. But it can be so hard to follow. Even with television to while away the sedentary hours, most people eventually feel the urge to get up off the couch and walk somewhere, even if it’s just to the kitchen to fetch more donuts.

All this walking burns waaaay too many calories! My advice: If you must walk, do so only slowly and remember to take frequent breaks, even naps, along the way.

Granted, Mexico is far ahead of us in “siesta technology.” They’ve been doing the afternoon nap deal for generations and have it down to a science.

Another factor that’s working against us — which also was mentioned in the Salon.com article — is cocaine use. When it comes to nose candy, we’re in a dead heat with Spain for most users per capita.

This must stop. I don’t advocate drug use, or use anything stronger than vitamins myself, but it’s never mattered much to me what others do. That’s all changing now, now that I know the Peruvian Marching Powder is keeping America from that cherished Obesity Gold Medal.

It’s a known fact (or, maybe it’s not; I make a lot of this stuff up) that coke heads don’t get fat, because they never eat. So I’m advising now, just say no to blow and yes to extra helpings of Moo Goo Gai Pan. 

We can do this if we work together, people. But don’t work TOO hard. Work burns calories we just can’t afford to lose.

More Reality Check online at mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com. Contact Mike Taylor at mtaylor325@gmail.com.