When I arrived home Thursday afternoon, there was a naked girl in my bathtub.
I’ve always wanted to write that line, but other than a few unpublished letters to certain “gentlemen’s magazines” back in the ‘70s, I’ve never had the chance. Now I do.
Not only was there a naked girl in my bathtub, there were light-boxes, reflective umbrellas, expensive-looking strobes and yards of snaky, black electrical cable running everywhere.
My bathtub (actually, Lori’s bathtub; mine’s at the other end of the house and noticeably lacking in naked girls) was being used for a photo shoot.
A lot of Lori’s posse are artists, photographers, filmmakers — creative types — and one of them had selected Lori’s tub as being “just right” for some tastefully done nudes. Michael Thayer is a gifted photographer and has appeared in gallery shows, Artprize and so on.
I had to admit I agreed with him on the choice of location; Lori’s tub is pretty cool. It’s one of those sunken “garden tub” deals. She has it set up with all sorts of strategically-placed wicker, candles, mirrors, ferns and other feminine bric-a-brac.
I’ve never used it myself. I’d be afraid of breaking something.
My own bathroom, by comparison, looks like something you might find on a nuclear submarine. It’s strictly utilitarian. It gets the job done.
At any rate, I wasn’t allowed to watch the shoot, even though it was going on under my own roof.
I offered Michael my services … you know, key grip, best boy, reflective umbrella holder. But apparently, he brings along a bag full of apparatus designed to do pretty much every job for which I’m even remotely qualified.
Also, Lori did not seem crazy about the idea of me helping out. For some reason.
Not understanding my deeply artistic nature, she assumed I just wanted to ogle the model. Nothing — nothing! I say — could be further from the truth. I am a paragon of artiness, a shining beacon of aesthetic wonderfulness, a…
Ah, who am I kidding?
Lori didn’t buy it, either, even when I put on a black beret and spoke the few words I know in French.
Apparently some people can pull off “arty” better than others.
Still, having a naked girl in my tub has given me an idea. No, not that idea.
The idea of getting seriously into photography myself. I mean, I have a nice digital SLR camera and bunch of equipment I use to shoot news photos.
Why couldn’t I expand on that a little bit? Buy one of those fancy, reflective umbrella thingies, maybe a couple strobes?
Lori’s being supportive. She even said I could shoot photos of the fancy bathtub. Empty.
Not quite what I had in mind, but it’s a start.
Catch Mike Taylor’s Reality Check radio program every weekday at 5:30 p.m. on WGLM, m106.3 on your FM dial.
mtaylor@staffordgroup.com
(616) 548-8273
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