You want proof the world has gone nuts? I got it.
Recently in the town of Kermit, Texas (named, I assume, after the world's most famous frog) a fourth grade kid was booted out of school for bullying; he threatened to make one of his classmates disappear.
Not "disappear" like some capo in a Godfather movie: "Hey Louie! I needs ya ta make da head of da Gambino family disappear." What he said was, "Hey Joey, I'm wearing the One Ring to Rule Them All and I'm going to use it to turn you invisible" (more or less).
That's right. The kid threatened his buddy with the altogether fictional ring featured in the "Lord of the Rings" books and movies. The fourth grader in question apparently has delusions of Frodo-esque grandeur; this makes him a nerd, not a bully.
Bullies punch you in the face, they don't threaten you with magical powers. At least not the bullies from my old neighborhood.
In fact, too much talk of magical powers was a sure way to get your nose rearranged back when I was in fourth grade. Pixies, leprechauns, wood nymphs and other mythical woodland folk were discouraged.
Yeah, yeah, I know it's a different world now. We live in a "zero tolerance" society in which every word, every action, every whispered utterance, must be carefully scrutinized, analyzed, categorized and sanitized to make sure it could never, ever, under any circumstances, offend the delicate sensibilities of even the most fragile nitwit.
It's enough to make me punch somebody. But I won't. Because I'm not a bully. Also, I hate it when people punch me back, as they have been known to do on occasion. I have a pretty face and I want to keep it that way.
I'm not above being riled by the ridiculousness of it all, however. I mean ... suspended from school for telling a friend you're going to use your magical powers on him?
Gimme a break.
I have to wonder if the school superintendent — Bill Boyd — understands that the Ring of Power is make-believe? Is he worried this fourth grade Hobbit will actually make good on his threat? Does Boyd have religious objections to The Dark Lord Sauron's spirit being paraded through the cafeteria on the ring finger of a nine-year-old? Is he afraid an army of angry orcs will come snarling into his office intent on beheading administrators first and asking questions later?
This superintendent is simply not thinking this thing through.
Any fourth grade boy with the power of invisibility is going to use it to sneak out of math class, or maybe see what really happens in the girl's bathroom. He's not going to be turning his friends into wraiths.
Madness! Where will it end? How long before some little girl lands in detention for pointing her glitter-encrusted princess wand at an art teacher in an attempt to transform her into a toad? Sheesh!
Still, it's possible I'm being too hard on Mr. Boyd. When you hail from a town named for a fictional frog, maybe it's best to err on the side of caution.
mtaylor@staffordgroup.com
(616) 548-8273
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