Waiting for the end of the world for fun and profit

The world’s going to end in late September. Asteroid strike.

If you’ve been thinking of making things right with the IRS or calling that girl you used to date in high school, don’t bother. I mean, what’s the point? By October 1st, we’ll all be dead.

Now, the scary thing here isn’t the asteroid, which is entirely fictitious. The scary thing is that some people believed me.

Scarier still, some folks will continue to believe me even though I just admitted I was lying through my teeth. 

In fact, if I found a dozen NASA scientists willing to testify as to the baloney-ness of my asteroid apocalypse claim, some folks would STILL spend the weekend digging asteroid shelters in their back yards!

I know all this because for the past couple weeks I’ve been watching it happen in real time on Facebook. Somebody somewhere (or, in Facebook parlance, an “expert”) posted a scary-looking Photoshopped picture of an asteroid the size of Texas zeroing in on Manhattan, along with “data” about the big rock’s trajectory. 

The claim was 100 percent pixie dust and had no basis in fact, but in less time than it’s taking me to write about it here, that post was “shared” a zillion times on social media sites around the globe.

A few hours later, real NASA scientists did weigh in on the subject, assuring the public there was no danger of an imminent cosmic collision. This denial only added fuel to the conspiracy theory flames.

Now, claimed the breathless posts, the government was “in on it.” The government. You know, those guys that can’t find their backsides with both hands. Somehow, they were managing to keep the end of the world a deep, dark secret from everyone on the entire planet.

I mean, c’mon, Bill couldn’t even keep Monica a secret. If the world really were about to end, somebody would spill the beans.

My point is, there are people out there that will believe anything. P.T. “There’s a sucker born every minute” Barnum knew it, and unlike me, he figured out how to make a buck off it.

I figure I’ve got about a month to cash in on this fictitious asteroid. Deep impact insurance? Ten buck discount baptisms guaranteed to get even the most grievous sinner into a decent after-life situation? Asteroid-resistant sunscreen?

I dunno. There’s got to be an angle somewhere.

It’s hard to come up with anything good when you know the world’s going to end in less than a month.

mtaylor@staffordgroup.com

(616) 548-8273