I don’t know where you stand on
evolution and frankly, I don’t care. My kids are grown and out of school and
based on everything I’ve seen on Nickelodeon while babysitting my grandson,
there’s no hope for future generations anyway. If educators want to start
telling students Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden, that’s fine
by me.
I was once a staunch believer in
the Theory of Evolution, if only because so many of my friends – I’m thinking
mostly of the guys from my weekend bar band – are quite obviously descended
from apes. I’m guessing I am, too, based on the abundance of chimp-like hair
sprouting from my back and shoulders.
Now, I’m no scientist or
theologian (obviously), but I’m beginning to think there’s room for improvement
in both schools of thought. Particularly where evolution is concerned.
For those of you who were home
schooled, evolution is the theory that all living creatures evolved from lower
creatures. Amoebae begat fish, fish begat dinosaurs, dinosaurs begat birds and
mammals, birds and mammals begat monkeys which then begat human beings.
According to many scientists, there was more begatting going on in Earth’s
prehistory than in the entire Old Testament and yes, I’m including 1
Chronicles, so we’re talking a lot
here.
(And I’m only kidding with the
“home schooled” comment above. One of my editors was home schooled and it’s
been a while since I gave her a reason to want to punch me in the esophagus.
Mission accomplished.)
At any rate, my explanation of
evolution is vague and oversimplified, but so is my understanding of same, so…
My point is, I’m no longer so sure the Theory of Evolution is accurate. Just
lately I’ve been thinking Darwin had it backward. We didn’t evolve and we’re
not evolving.
In fact, just the opposite may be
true. I think we’re devolving.
Devolution is the theory that species can, over time, revert to more primitive
forms. I don’t want to believe that’s happening, but sometimes I watch the news
and can’t help but entertain the idea.
I mean, let’s take a quick look
at the history of humanity. Whether you want to call them Adam and Eve or
something more scientific, at one time there were only a handful of homo
sapiens running around on the face of the planet. Homo sapiens, by the way, is
Latin for “wise person.” I think that moniker is apt, or was at that time.
Humanity was scattered and not
numerous enough to cause a lot of trouble. We lived off the land, got along
well with most plants and animals we didn’t eat, and wanted nothing more from life
than a warm meal, a mate who was occasionally in the mood for romance and a
roof over our heads when it rained.
Life was hard, but good.
Then we started growing things on
purpose rather than simply gathering coconuts from the trees. Communities
sprang up to support this new agricultural lifestyle. Things were still pretty
good, though not everyone was happy with the Friday night crowds at all the
good restaurants.
Then came industry. Some people
were better at it than others and it didn’t take long before there were
employers and employees. One group had more, the other less. Those who had less
wanted more. So did those who already had more.
Now remember, their (supposedly
primitive) ancestors were happy eating coconuts and laying around in the sun
all day. The notion of “more” and “less” hadn’t even occurred to them. So they
were happy.
But once an idea takes root, it’s
hard to stamp it out. Before long, everyone wanted more. And then – and this is
where the devolution thing really takes off – someone figured out you could
make a buck by promising people more more more!
A coconut in every pot and a Chevy in every garage!
They called the people who made
these rash, unfulfillable promises politicians.
There’s probably a Latin word for
“politician” but I’m guessing whatever it is, it doesn’t translate into “wise
person.” Politicians, I believe, are the driving force behind the devolution
that will eventually have humanity back in the trees, swinging from vines and
picking the nits off each other’s backs.
You doubt my theory? Have you
seen any of the presidential debates so far?
Just under 2,500 years ago,
humanity was represented by Socrates. Not much later, on the theological front
we had the teachings of Jesus, Muhammed, Buddha. Then later came Galileo,
Kepler, Descartes, Newton, and finally, Einstein.
Near as I can tell, it’s pretty
much been downhill from there.
And when I see those presidential
candidates on the news? Well, all I can say is, I’m not seeing anybody up there
at the podium smarter than Socrates. Or Larry, Moe and Curly, for that matter.
I’m picking out my tree now. I
want one with a lot of coconuts close to a stream.
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