Far as I know, history has
recorded only one occurrence of someone coming back from the dead and that was
over 2,000 years ago. Still, I’m hopeful.
No, I haven’t suddenly gotten
more religion than I had yesterday. And I haven’t begun living my life in a
manner that would assure I’m assigned to better (and hopefully, cooler)
quarters in the afterlife.
I’m talking about living longer
in this life. My current body ain’t
much, but for the moment, it’s all I’ve got. I’d like to keep it up and running
as long as possible. Sadly, present day medical science can only do so much to
facilitate that goal.
In short: I’m going to die. Not
today. Probably not tomorrow and hopefully not for 30 years or more. I’m actually
shooting for 40, but I don’t want to get greedy.
No, wait a minute; yes, I do want to get greedy. I want to get
greedy indeedy! I want to live to see that first Martian colony take hold, to
see the shocked faces of the staid naysayers when someone finally invents warp
drive. I want to see those far-off Utopias dreamt of by H.G. Wells and Thomas
More.
I want to live long enough to pay
off my student loan.
Until last Friday, I didn’t think
I’d have that chance. Now? I’m not so sure.
As with so many pivotal moments
in my life, this one occurred at a party. My daughter’s house in Detroit.
Bonfire. No shortage of wine, Aubreii’s excellent homemade chili, pizza, and
conversation with some of that city’s finest intellects. (At least they seemed
that way after a few glasses of Pinot Noir.)
I was introduced to Joseph
Kowalsky, director of the Cryonics Institute, in Clinton Township. The mission
of the Cryonic Institute – cribbed from their website – is this: “To extend
human lifespans by preserving the body using existing cryogenic technologies.”
This isn’t science fiction,
folks. This is happening today.
Despite having limited brainpower
myself, I do subscribe to a couple science journals, so I was already somewhat
familiar with cryogenics. It works like this: when you die, your body is
preserved through cryogenic techniques and flash frozen like a TV dinner. I’m
guessing it’s slightly more technical in practice.
Point is, you are then stored
cryogenically until such time as medical science comes up with a way to revive
your corpse-sickle and bring you back to full health.
The cost for this procedure, I
learned from Joe, is surprisingly affordable, especially if you plan ahead and
pay for it with a life insurance policy. (Which, I’ll admit, appears to have some
legal ramifications. I mean, if you’re brought back to life, are you required
to repay the life insurance? It could get confusing, but at least you’d be
alive to deal with it.)
I really want to do this. But I’ll
admit I have a few concerns:
·
First off, I don’t want anyone putting funny hats
on my frozen body and snapping selfies with me at Cryonics Institute Christmas
parties.
·
What if I’m brought back 1,000 years from now only
to serve as a wriggling entrée for humanity’s new, insectoid overlords?
·
I can barely figure out how to program my
present-day Tivo system. I can’t imagine how convoluted that task will be in
the year 2525.
·
If I don’t pay off that student loan before I go
into frozen storage, the late charges accumulated over a few centuries are
gonna kill me all over again!
·
What guarantee do I have that someone won’t trip
over the plug to the freezer? I don’t want to wake up, still dead, in a puddle
of lukewarm water.
But like I said, despite these
concerns I’m going to take the plunge. I figure, what have I got to lose? A few
bucks spread out over however many years I have left? The chance of winding up
as an alien overlord’s menu option?
It’s worth the risk.
So, adieu, suckers! I’ll say hello to your great-grandkids on Mars.
(616) 730-1414
1 comment:
Greedy, indeedy. Really?
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