Got a letter from a reader the other day who – after reading my last “dating” column – decided to go online and give it a try herself. She was not happy with the results.
In her letter she said, “All the men want beautiful, young girls half their age. An average gal just doesn’t stand a chance.”
She went on to tell me a little more about herself and some of her experiences with online dating. She sounds very nice, and I’m sure she’ll find Mr. Right eventually, even if she does look no further than the grocery store, as she said she intends to do from now on.
In truth, I can’t blame her for giving the online thing a miss. I’ve been investigating the phenomena for a while now and can say she’s absolutely right; men in general have unrealistic expectations, especially those who are newly single after years of married life.
I’m no psychologist or sociologist, but I have a theory as to why frumpy, middle-aged men (not me) think they “deserve” a beautiful, young woman.
The problem, see, is that we men do not, in our own eyes, age. Ever. Every man thinks he’s still the same buff stud-muffin he was on the day of his wedding, even if that wedding was 30 years earlier and he wasn’t all that studly then, either. Moreover, the last time the newly-singled guy dated, “pretty young thangs” in their 20s were still on the menu.
In the newly-singled man’s mind, cute young girls remain his goal, because he honestly doesn’t realize he has changed.
This is frustrating not only for the “average” women out there, but also for the guy. He can’t understand why the 20-something cutie who lists skateboarding and body piercing as among her hobbies won’t answer his emails. She can’t understand why a guy two years older than her father is telling her how much he likes long walks on the beach.
Meanwhile, the perfectly nice 40-something woman looks on and wonders why men are fools. (This is something women have wondered for years, by the way, and is in no way exclusive to the dating scene. The Former Lovely Mrs. Taylor wondered the same thing about me hundreds of times during our years together. Probably still does.)
Fortunately, there is some good news; most guys eventually wise up and discover their true target audience. It’s not that the newly-singled man is “settling,” rather he’s coming to terms with his own, true self; the slightly-pudgy, slightly-balding, slightly-frumpy guy who looks back at him from the mirror each morning. And he’s realizing that, to a slightly more “seasoned” woman, he still looks pretty good.
Um, if it seems I’m writing about myself here, I’m not. Unlike those other guys, I actually do look exactly the same as I did 30 years ago; maybe better. I do, right? Right?
Now if I could only figure out why none of those 20-somethings are responding to my emails.
Missed a week? More “Reality Check” online at http://mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com or www.milive.com. E-mail Mike Taylor at
1 comment:
haha..great article. Maybe these men like getting their egos stroked. If a girl is looking to him as a God (no offense) if they do land a perfect, well toned, voluptuous, bouncy girl and the younger girls maybe are going for the "seasoned" men and looking for that sugar daddie to take care of her like daddy did but he still has to want to start having babies...again.
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