In the months since I’ve been “re-singled” I’ve learned a lot about dating, romance, and the bizarre dichotomy that rules the online singles scene – that gulf between reality and perception. People, especially newly-single people, rarely see themselves or their dates in a clear, unadulterated light. Everything either hums and glows with promise or pales behind the gray curtain of recent sad experience.
Navigation within the world of online profiles requires more translating skill than could be provided by the Rosetta Stone, Urim and Thummim, and the Berlitz people combined. It’s a labyrinthine landscape of half-truths, misperceptions and outright lies.
There are areas, however, that can be easily understood, even by fools like me. The most notable of these is the section – included at most dating sites – where the member lists the traits he or she would like to see in a potential suitor. It is here that the B-factor (“B” being “bitterness”) floats to the surface for all to see.
The B-factor can tell you everything you’d ever want to know – and lots you would not – about an individual’s former relationship.
For instance, a high B-factor woman’s profile might read as follows:
Loving, caring woman with a great sense of humor seeks man who knows how to do something – anything – besides sit on his fat butt all day watching ESPN. I need a man who won’t forget our anniversary and will bring me flowers even when he hasn’t spent the whole night out at some two-bit dive with “the boys.” If your mother is dead, that’s a big plus!
A high B-factor man’s profile might look like this:
Look, I got a job, a car and most of my teeth – what’s a guy got to do to hook up around here? Looking for a woman who enjoys fishing, hunting and thinks a fun Saturday afternoon consists of helping me detail my 1964 Mustang. I want a woman who enjoys quiet nights at home, cooking and cleaning; someone who hates to spend money on stupid things like shoes when she already has a closet full of ‘em, for crying out loud! If your mother is dead or living in another country (preferably one that will never grant her an exit visa) that’s a big plus!
You read enough of these profiles and it gets real easy to spot the B-factor folks. Then there are the H-factor singles; those who have been (H)urt big time by their former mates. Their self-esteem and confidence is at an all time low.
They sound like this: There must be someone out there for me somewhere, right? Looking for someone with a kind heart, sweet disposition and great morals that would never, ever, ever break my heart. Must be able to provide three references from previous lovers stating that you didn’t break their hearts, either.
The X-factor (“X” being the last letter of the word “seX”) folks have a hard time hiding their true intentions, though they do try.
Their profiles read like this: Great-looking guy seeks beautiful, thin, well-proportioned woman for long walks on the beach, maybe that stretch of beach near my house – you know, the one down there by the motel? Yeah, the beach is especially beautiful there on a moonlit night. Ability to commit to long-term relationship not particularly important.
I don’t mean to denigrate the online dating scene here, folks, really. Despite everything, it’s worked out pretty well for me so far. Why? Because there are a handful of SPWNEDI-factor people out there. Those Single People With No Especially Debilitating Issues.
They’re rare, but they are out there. And they make it worth the effort of sorting through the X’s, H’s, and B’s.
Missed a week? More “Reality Check” online at http://mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com or www.milive.com. E-mail Mike Taylor at
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