If one more person tells me they’re ‘ROFL’ I’ll leave and never ‘BRB’

I’m a dinosaur. I’ll admit it. I’m proud of it, in fact. I am, apparently, one of the last people left alive who can communicate without symbols, acronyms or computer-generated “smileys.”

Since getting my new cell phone a couple months ago, I have learned to text nearly as fast as I type (which is pretty darn fast, lemme tell ya).

Now, many of you fellow dinosaurs out there no doubt wonder what the point of “texting” is, anyway. Why type a message when you could just call the person and say the same words out loud and in less time?

That’s a good question, and the answer is “search me.”

But the fact is a lot of people – mostly people 30 years old or younger – text a lot. My daughter texts me a dozen times a week, as do my son and stepson. And when they text me, half the message is in the language of “texteeze.” (Since I just invented the word I can spell it any way I choose!)

Texteeze is a language devised by young “texterz” (another word I just made up – yes, I like the letter “z”) to facilitate faster messaging on tiny, cell phone keyboards. Words like “you” are abbreviated to “u” and so on.

Words like “two,” “too,” and “to” are all expressed the same way – with the number “2.” Likewise, many other common phrases are truncated, abbreviated, or hammered into acronyms.

Thus, a message sent from President Obama’s Blackberry to Russian President Vladimir Putin’s iPhone (for instance) might read something like this: “Vlad! Pushed button! Oops! :( 2 many nukes 2 count. Off 2 bunker. BRB. ;)”

Putin’s reply might read: “ROFL! No, really. LMAO! UR such a joker! Hey, whts tht sound? Gotta check. BRB.”

Somehow, the situation’s fundamental gravitas is diminished. But that’s where the language is headed, mark my words! (“Mark my words” is a phrase we dinosaurs like almost as much as we do the letter “z.”)

All these little texteeze abbreviations also are rampant in the world of email messages. I get emails every week filled with ‘em, sometimes to the point that the message is all but indecipherable (at least by me).

For instance, my daughter sent me an email last week that read, “? @TEOTD or later 2nite could u CI w/me? WYWH! TTUL.”

What she meant was, “I have a question for you. At the end of the day or later tonight could you check in with me? Wish you were here. Talk to you later.”

It took me half an hour to figure out what my daughter was saying. By then she had tired of waiting for my reply and had simply made the voice call to tell me what she wanted.

As much as I hate texteeze, I hate “smileys” even more. If you have something to say to me that you think is funny, just say it! I will either laugh (if it’s funny) or won’t (if it’s not). I don’t need a symbol like :) to tell me how I’m supposed to feel about what you’ve written.

If you’re just kidding when you tell me I’m a putz, then say so, don’t just append a ;) to your comment and hope I’ll know what it means.

Oh, I know I’m fighting a losing battle here. The future (and the future of the language) belongs to the young, not dinosaurs like me. I may be TBE (Thick Between the Ears), but even I can see the shape of things to come.

Younger readers probably don’t see the problem here, but for dinosaurs like me, it is TEOFTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It).

CU.

Missed a week? More “Reality Check” online at http://mtrealitycheck.blogspot.com or www.milive.com. E-mail Mike Taylor at mtaylor325@gmail.com.