Presidents’ Day is coming up this Monday. As the sort of American who gets choked up when he sings the National Anthem at the start of a White Caps baseball game, you’d think I might have some idea what Presidents’ Day is all about.
I don’t. Do you?
Admittedly, I slept through a lot of government and social studies classes back in high school, the ones I didn’t outright skip, I mean. Still, you’d think I might have picked up a few scant facts regarding the holiday, if only through osmosis while resting my head on the textbook.
Or maybe I did and I’ve just forgotten. Either way, if some guy held a gun to my head and threatened to pull the trigger if I didn’t explain Presidents Day to him, I’d soon be meeting Lincoln and Washington in person. I’m not sure why anyone would be that desperate to learn about the holiday, but you never know. People have been shot for crazier reasons.
I seem to remember the holiday having something to do with Washington and Lincoln … is it one of those holidays where they joined a couple other holidays (like Lincoln’s and Washington’s birthdays) into a single event so more post office employees would have an excuse to take another day off?
OK, this is going to drive me crazy if I don’t check. Gimme a sec…
All right, now, this is exactly why I made that five dollar donation to Wikipedia last time they bugged me about it: Presidents’ Day got its start as “George Washington’s Birthday,” which was implemented by an act of Congress and therefore unlikely to make any sense anyway. It was held for a while on Washington’s actual birthday and then moved to the third Monday in February by yet another act of Congress. Even about something as simple as a birthday party Congress cannot reach a concensus, it seems.
Once Congress realized Washington’s Birthday was no longer being celebrated on Washington’s actual birthday, they started talking about putting together a blue ribbon committee to look into the matter.
Congress appoints a committee whenever it has a really, really tough question it just can’t otherwise answer, like, “What color tie goes with a blue shirt?” and other pressing issues that – based on all evidence – occupy the minds of most congressmen and women at least seven out of every eight hours, which for Congress, constitutes the entire work week.
This committee of crack planners pushed for a March 4 Presidents’ Day, but the bill they put forth was shot down by the State Judiciary Committee who thought it was too close to Washington’s and Lincoln’s actual birthdays.
By this time, state politicians, jealous that the feds were throwing so many monkey wrenches into the works, threw in a few of their own. A bunch of state governors got together and – trying to appear “presidential,” just in case – decided their states would celebrate the holiday on March 4 no matter what the congressional committee said.
So there! Take that, Washington!
Not to be outdone in their efforts to spend truckloads of taxpayer money on baloney of this sort, the feds came up with the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, which – had it done anything other than fizzle like last July Fourth’s firecracker – would have officially named the holiday Presidents’ Day and put it chronologically on a Monday between the actual birthdays of Lincoln and Washington.
Both Lincoln and Washington, by this time, would no doubt have been spinning in their graves had they been alive to witness the bureaucratic bumbling and waste being perpetrated in their names. Of course, had they been alive, they would not have had graves to spin in, but we’re talking Big Government here, folks; there’s no need to make sense.
Eventually, the date was settled on and a bill, signed into law in June, 1968, firmly placed the celebration on or around Feb. 12 or whenever states decided they wanted to celebrate it. Then postal workers again figured out it would be better if the holiday fell on a Monday each year, so they could have a long weekend and not feel disgruntled, which, if you know anything about postal workers, is something to take into consideration.
Even Wikipedia is a little vague over how the third Monday thing happened. (Actually, the topic might have been explained more clearly further on into the Wikipedia article, but I fell asleep with my head on my laptop before I got there.)
Regardless of how it came about, carpet, furniture and appliance superstores loved the idea of a Monday celebration, since it gave retailers the entire weekend to get ready for their crazy! Crazy! CRAZZZZZYYY! last chance blowout everything must go Presidents’ Day MADNESS sales!!!!
If there’s a more patriotic way to honor the father of our country and the man who ended slavery than by offering 10 percent off a Barcalounger, I do not know what it is.
And that, my friends, is Professor Mike’s history lesson for today. Um, I should point out, if you are a student reading this as part of your research for an essay on Presidents’ Day, you may want to check at least a few other sources. And forget you ever saw this one.
Next week: the origins of Valentine’s Day!
mtaylor@staffordgroup.com
(616) 548-8273
No comments:
Post a Comment