I don’t mind being bribed, but I hate being bullied. I don’t like bullies (who does?) and whenever possible I stand up to them even if it means taking a punch or two myself. This is not always easy, since, by nature, I’m a coward. But sometimes you’ve just gotta take a stand.
My problem lately is with the biggest bully on the block. I’m talking about the formerly friendly Uncle Sam and the advertising firms he’s hired to scare us into being good drones.
What am I talking about? (To be honest, sometimes I wonder myself.)
To fully understand where we are now, you have to go waaaay back, back to Smokey Bear. Smokey was a nice bear, a gentle bear, the kind of bear who would never eat you if you were lost in the woods. All Smokey wanted was to let you know that only you could prevent forest fires. For a bear, he really knew a lot about woodland conflagration issues. When you live in a forest, it pays to be aware of this stuff. I liked Smokey.
Then came Woodsey Owl. He wasn’t nearly as cool as Smokey, but he cared a lot about environmental issues. Like Smokey, he suggested things adults and kids could do to make the world a cleaner, better place in which to live.
I liked following Woodsey’s and Smokey’s advice. I put litter in its place, I poured water on my campfire, stirred the ashes, and poured again. It was fun to be a good doo-bee.
Then the insurance company lobbies decided it would be a good idea to pay off a bunch of duly-elected congressmen to pass a seat belt law. But there was no “Buckley” to suggest I wear one. No friendly, talking seat belt explaining how much safer I would be, buckled in.
What there was instead was: CLICK IT OR TICKET!! You could almost hear the heels clicking together and somebody shouting “Ja, mein Kapitän!” It vas an order und you vould obey!
Not long after, I saw my first anti-drinking and driving billboard. No sane person is in favor of drinking and driving. But the billboard was designed not to inform or advise, but to frighten the already terrified sheep (us) into submission.
In giant type, pasted over a pic of a dumb-looking kid being dragged off in cuffs, was the legend: “YOU JUST BLEW $10,000!!” Yup, that last beer you had at the class reunion put you one-fiftieth of a point over the legal limit and now the fee collection machine previously known as the legal system is going to absolutely ruin your life and set you on the path to financial ruin! Have a nice day!
Are you scared yet? As Yoda said, “You will be. You will be.”
The most recent ad campaign is geared toward motorcycle riders. Again, it shows a dumb kid being lead off in cuffs, while in the background, his bike is being hoisted onto a truck. The legend? “GET CERTIFIED OR GET TOWED!!”
See what I mean? Threats, threats, threats! And for what? Not taking care of bureaucratic paperwork in a timely manner, that’s what.
It’s bad enough already, but I’ve seen the government in action. It’s only going to get worse.
How long before we see billboards reading: “USE THE CORRECT POSTAGE OR GET BEATEN TO A BLOODY PULP!” or “JAYWALKERS WILL BE SUMMARILY EXECUTED!!”
It’s no coincidence many urban police departments are now outfitted with more military hardware than a Navy Seal team. We’re getting Rambo when we need Andy Taylor.
I swear, Smokey would be turning over in his woodland grave if he could see what we’ve come to.
mtaylor@staffordgroup.com
(616) 548-8273
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